Posted by Eric Polsky on Sunday, March 7, 2010 at 3:01 am

Last week, I was lucky enough to have the opportunity to travel to Seattle and Vancouver for a much-needed vacation, unplugged from work at my Miami law firm.  By doing so, I was incredibly fortunate to be able to experience being in a city hosting the Winter Olympics, just two weeks after witnessing the Super Bowl in my home city.  In the span of just three weeks, I was able to attend the NFL Pro Bowl, Super Bowl parties and pre-game events (including the tantalizing Lingerie Bowl Championship game), an Olympic hockey match, Mens’ Aerials skiing, and witness hockey Team USA’s upset of Canada (the prequel) among a silenced group of drunken and passionate Canadians in a bar near the arena where it took place. I even managed to make an appearance on the Today Show the morning after that game, when my friends and I were interviewed on the street celebrating among the few Americans roaming the depressed streets of Vancouver.

All of that was amazing, and yet another experience from those three weeks stood out just as much as any of the others (yes, somehow, even as much as the Lingerie Bowl).  That experience was a tour of Safeco Field.  While staying in Seattle on a Wednesday with little to do after visiting the famed Pike Street Fish Market for lunch, my buddy and I saw an advertisement for stadium tours of Safeco, which were being held at 12:30 p.m. and 2:30 p.m. on days during the off-season. We decided to make the three minute drive from downtown to Safeco and check it out, though we wondered if there would actually even be a tour, since we didn’t think any other random tourists would also be bored enough to attend.

But we went into the pro shop, and to our surprise, the tour was scheduled and ready to go with three other tourists joining us: an older couple from Cincinnati (devoted Ken Griffey Jr. followers) and an Asian man (devoted Ichiro supporter). The tour guide was a well-informed, eager, older man who spoke as if he was convinced that he had one the greatest jobs on earth, getting paid to walk fans around Safeco twice a day and brag to them about his hometown Mariners and their ballpark. He looked a lot like an older Don Knotts, with very thick glasses.

The tour began and from the pro shop we walked out to the stands where we saw the field for the first time.  Despite the scoreboard having been taken down due to construction and the field needing some serious grooming prior to Opening Day, the field was impressive. Towering over the right field stands and stretching towards center field is a giant retractable rooftop. The tour guide informed us that the roof weighed 22 million pounds and takes about ten minutes to close.  He said that few people are aware that the Mariners could actually experience a rainout, because of a rule that prohibits the roof from closing if the Seattle winds reach 30 miles per hour.  These days, with El Niño wreaking its havoc on the country, it is possible that the multi-million dollar roof could be relegated to a mere giant-sized paperweight.

From the center field stands to left, the stadium is open to a striking view of the downtown Seattle skyline, flanked by the quirky Qwest Field, home of the NFL’s Seahawks. In front of the skyline appears the sharp and giant “Safeco Field” sign, which serves as a constant reminder of where you are (though its highly unlikely you’ll ever forget because the stadium is so unique). Feel free to click on the photos I posted here to get a full size image.

Knotts then gave us a rundown of the 2010 Mariners projected lineup. This is when I first learned that the M’s prized off-season free agent third-base acquisition, Chone Figgins, might switch positions with incumbent second baseman Jose Lopez. I immediately realized one of the benefits of a stadium tour: insider information that had yet to reach the mainstream. We received a similar benefit when the tour guide shared a secret with us about the M’s ground-keeping strategy.  The outfield grass is cut differently in each section of the field in accordance with the fielding ability of each outfielder. If there is a better outfielder in, say, center field where Franklin Gutierrez is, the grass is cut shorter than in left field where a slow-footed Griffey is playing. The longer grass helps the slower fielder because it slows down the speed of the ball, while the shorter grass allows a quicker outfielder to get the ball sooner and prevent extra-base hits. Knotts told us that this little trick helped the aging Jay Buhner survive in right field during the latter part of his career.  At that point, I declared to myself that the tour was already worth the $9 admission, and it got better from there.

The next memorable stop was the main entrance to the stadium behind home plate.  The floor is marked with the symbol of a large compass rose logo, which was signed by each of the members of the 1999 Mariners, the first year Safeco Field opened.  Only a few active players remain from that team, including Griffey, Alex Rodriguez, Jamie Moyer and Raul Ibanez.  Above the logo is a massive spiraling chandelier built entirely of a thousand glass-like bats. Near the entrance is, of course, the concession area, where fans can purchase a sushi “Ichiroll”.  It is amazing how far baseball has come from peanuts and Cracker Jacks.

From there, Knotts took us up to the owner’s chic club suite, where he informed us of the irony that the team’s owner, Hiroshi Yamauchi of Nintendo Corp., has never attended a Mariners game. Yamauchi became majority owner of the team in 1992, which makes him the longest tenured owner in the American League behind George Steinbrenner.  Knotts told us that Yamauchi has promised to attend a game if the M’s win a championship, which also poses a problem because Yamauchi doesn’t like to fly.  The suite is home to an encased podium that holds the home plate from the M’s former home, the Kingdome.  The podium stands in front of a giant wall-sized photo of Griffey scoring the winning run in Game 5 of the 1995 playoff series against the Yankees. Knotts bragged that only he and a few other M’s fans remember that Griffey scored this run after running through a stop sign given by the third base coach, because there were no outs and the next two batters due up were Buhner and A-Rod. Yes, the greatest moment in Mariners history, one that may have saved baseball in the city of Seattle and kept them from leaving town, happened because a player blatantly disobeyed his coach.

We were then taken to the press box, which Knotts declared as the best seats in the house. I couldn’t disagree, in part because those were the only seats we actually sat in, but they were impressive seats nonetheless with a perfect view of the field and the scenery behind it. Knotts told us that in the first few years after signing Ichiro, Japanese reporters would take up about one-third of the press box. Nowadays, the reporters that remain have requested their seats be moved from the right field side of the box to the left field side, so they can get a better direct view of Ichiro and the emotions on his face.

Knotts then took us down to the Diamond Club, which is a seating area on the ground level behind home plate where season tickets cost $17,000 per season and single game tickets can cost as much as $6,000 per seat.  This club also hosts parties and events for fortunate companies and holds a full bar and buffet
area. But while those Diamond Club snobs pay thousands for a seat behind home plate, they couldn’t get to experience what I could for a measly nine bucks – a trip onto the field.  Yes, for $5,991 less, I was able to walk up to the batters box, set foot all around the home plate area, and check out both dugouts. On this leg of the trip, Knotts informed us that a batted ball would need to travel 490 feet to left field to leave the stadium. Nobody has done it yet.  I believe that this is yet another reason why we need more interleague play, so Albert Pujols can visit Safeco and hit one out.

I also learned that MLB dugouts are very bare and basic, especially compared to the $6,000 seats that run beside them in the swanky Diamond Club.  Each dugout comes with a simple wooden bench that looks like a bench I made in woodshop in middle school, the only difference being the length made so that 30 players can sit across it rather than a couple of textbooks. Similarly, the boxes against the dugout wall where helmets and bats are kept look cheaper than the cubbyholes where I stored my lunchbox in second grade. Knotts explained that this is because the players tend to keep the dugout area about as clean as second graders, with their seeds and gum and tobacco and snot and spitballs. He also told us that Ichiro has a very specific spot on the Mariners bench where he sits, which he marks with tiny lines of pine tar. It came to my attention on this tour that if you look up the term “male Japanese diva” in a dictionary, you’ll see a picture of Ichiro.

The last stop was the visitors’ locker room, which also appeared to be very cheap and undersized for a room where thirty multi-millionaires work 81 times a year.  The six of us on the tour even felt somewhat crowded while standing in the locker room’s kitchen and bathroom areas.  I’ve never seen another major league locker room to compare this one to, but this seemed like an extremely small space for thirty professional athletes to share, especially if they must shower at the same time (sorry for that visual). And the manager’s office also seemed very small. Hal McRae would have done some serious damage in a room that size.

Knotts then took us back to the pro shop and our tour was complete.  I thoroughly enjoyed learning about the Mariners and their ballpark and I look forward to one day visiting Safeco for a game.  I also plan to check out stadium tours in other cities if the opportunity presents itself.  But among all of the lessons learned from the tour, there was one lesson that stood out above all:  If you find yourself needing to kill an hour on a weekday afternoon in Seattle, there is no better deal than the $9 Safeco Field stadium tour. Just make sure you request a tour guide who looks like that guy from the Andy Griffith Show.