Posted by Brian Joseph on Monday, August 10, 2009 at 9:07 pm

If only we were a fly on the wall during conversations between J.P. Ricciardi and Kenny Williams as they negotiated for the rights to Alex Rios:

J.P. RICCIARDI: Hey, Kenny. Thanks for taking a bullet for me with that Peavy deal. You got so much criticism on your gamble on that broken down product of a pitcher’s park that almost everyone forgot about my inability to move Roy Halladay.

KENNY WILLIAMS: Well, we wouldn’t have minded Halladay but once you turned down our offer of our affiliates in Birmingham, Winston-Salem and Kannapolis, I figured it wasn’t going to happen.

JR: Yeah, if only that Winston-Salem team had a cooler nickname, eh? I mean what the heck kind of name is Dash anyway?

KW: Blame the Griffey trade. I liked Warthogs but Jocketty talked me into letting his grandson rename the team in order for us to get Junior last year.

JR: (Under his breath) No wonder you claimed Alex.

KW: What was that?

JR: Oh, nothing.

KW: Why are on this call anyway? It says “Rios” on this notepad here. Were we going on a trip together, J.P.? I know that most people think you can get great deals on travel through sites like Priceline and Expedia but I typically just go straight to the airline and the hotel. J.P., I think it is Rio not Rios, though.

JR: I think you meant Alex Rios.

KW: Oh yeah! Alex Rios… that’s a good ballplayer you got right there!

JR: I know. You claimed him on waivers.

KW: I did?

(Checks notes)

(Mumbles.) Pick up laundry, talk to press about latest Ozzie tirade, claim outfielder who might be able to play center field.

Damn, Ricciardi, you read my mind!

JR: Actually, the league contacts the other team when a waiver claim is placed. Then that team has the option to trade him, pull him back or let hi…

KW: NO! Don’t pull him back! What do you want for him?

(Pause)

JR: Other than for you guys to pay his contract? Nothing.

KW: J.P., if you think I’m going to pay Rios’ salary just so he can continue to play for you, you’re crazy!

JR: Kenny, calm down.

KW: Don’t tell me to calm down. This is the same way my wife tricked me into drafting two of our sons!

JR: No, Kenny. Alex would play for you.

KW: Exactly! And what do you want in return?

JR: Nothing.

KW: Seriously, J.P., there has to be something you want. What if we play the “Wheel of Prospects?”

JR: “Wheel of Prospects”?

KW: Yes, in my office, I have a wheel with all of our prospects on it. Whomever it lands on, you get. Deal?

JR: Whatever.

KW: Okay, great! I finally get to test this thing out!

(Kenny spins the wheel… click, click, click, click, click.. click… click…. click….. click…… click…… click)

KW: Oh! It’s Javier Colina!

JR: Javier who? Oh, fine! Whatever you say Kenny. So, Alex Rios for Javier Colina?

KW: But wait, J.P., there’s more!

JR: What? No, this is fine, really.

(J.P.’s cell phone vibrates. The screen reads: “You have picture mail from Kenny Williams!”)

JR: What is this, Kenny? (J.P. opens the picture which is a picture of a locker.)

KW: Now, J.P. you can keep Javier Colina or take what is inside the locker.

JR: Do I get to find out what is inside the locker if I don’t take it?

KW: No.

JR: Then I have to take the locker.

(J.P.’s cell phone vibrates. The screen reads: “You have picture mail from Kenny Williams!”)

JR: It’s an empty locker. What does this mean, Kenny?

(Intense laughter erupts from Kenny Williams)

KW: IT’S NOTHING! You get absolutely nothing! Oh my goodness! You’re so stupid! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha!

(CLICK!)

Check back later for a more serious look at the White Sox-Blue Jays deal for Alex Rios and how both sides won in this deal.