Posted by Bill Baer on Thursday, July 9, 2009 at 8:04 am

I got an e-mail from someone with ProVentures Group on Jimmy Rollins’ behalf. I’m sure I wasn’t the only Phillies blogger targeted. Rollins recently signed on with Red Bull, so the objective was to simply get the word out and hope that we bloggers talk about it. The e-mail was typical corporate blah blah, but one paragraph in particular piqued my interest:

Since joining the Red Bull team on July 2, Jimmy’s stats have improved.  I’m not saying all this is all attributed to the ingredients in Red Bull, but the endorsement surely provided a confidence boost!  You have to admit the swing is looking better… and Jimmy is 12-28 at the plate for a Red Bull aided average of .429.

What I’m wondering is, is Jimmy actually consuming Red Bull, or is he just a face they’re using to sell product? Lots of celebrities lend their celebrity to products but don’t actually use them.

The statement is also hilariously-worded. It’s subtle in that not-so-subtle way, you know? It’s like saying, “Transformers has been a box office hit. I’m not saying it’s all due to Megan Fox, but no one’s going to the theaters to oogle Shia LaBeouf!”

I don’t bring this up, however, as an excuse to Google image search Megan Fox. Hold on one sec… oh she did a photoshoot for GQ last October when the Phillies were winning the World Series. What was I talking about? Megan Fox? On a serious note, I don’t bring this up for Megan Fox or to laugh at corporate shenanigans.

I just find it baffling how the dots never seem to be connected in the performance-enhancing substance issues in sports.

Take the quoted paragraph above and paste it into Microsoft Word. Go to “Replace” in the Editing pane and put “Red Bull” in the Find what? box and “Steroids” in the Replace with box. Click Replace All. Just for the sake of context, replace “endorsement” with “substance”. Re-read the statement, and see how your feelings change about Rollins’ performance.

Jimmy Rollins is using a performance-enhancing substance, just like Barry Bonds and Jason Giambi and Alex Rodriguez. The only difference is that what those three took was against the rules. If steroids are against the rules for being performance-enhancing substances, then so too should Red Bull and other stimulants.

Right on Red Bull’s very own website, they clear up any doubt that their product is a performance-enhancing substance. Click on benefits and you’ll see, “Improves performance”, “increases concentration & reaction speed”, “increases endurance”, and “stimulates metabolism.” Even more, it says, “It has been specially developed for times of increased mental and physical exertion. In addition, Red Bull vitalizes the body and mind.”

Here are the effects of amphetamines, a banned substance in most sports including baseball:

Amphetamines, sometimes called “speed” or “uppers,” are central nervous system stimulant drugs that increase alertness, self-confidence and concentration, and decrease appetite while creating a feeling of increased energy.

So, the difference between Red Bull and amphetamines is… what, exactly? There is none, besides legality (which, of course, is meaningless; see: Jane, Mary). Well, it must be okay because Red Bull is legal so it can’t have any serious negative health effects, right?

High amounts of caffeine (a can of Red Bull roughly equates to a cup of coffee) increase blood pressure and increase the risk of diabetes and heart disease. And this:

The results of a study conducted in 2008 showed that the ingestion of one, 250mL can of sugar-free Red Bull, in a sample of 30 healthy young adults, had an immediate detrimental effect on both endothelial function, and normal blood coagulation. This temporarily raised the cardiovascular risk in these individuals to a level comparable to that of an individual with established coronary artery disease.

We can’t condemn players like Manny Ramirez and Alex Rodriguez and in the same breath exalt Jimmy Rollins. Not that Rollins is guilty of doing anything wrong — not by any means. I am simply using his endorsement as an example of the hypocrisy of the drug regulations in sports.

If anabolic steroids and human growth hormone are illegal to use because they are both performance-enhancing and detrimental to one’s health, then other substances, such as Red Bull, need to be outlawed as well. Or we can stop the silly War on (Performance-Enhancing) Drugs.

Yes, imagine that — a world in which we don’t draw arbitrary lines regarding what an adult athlete is allowed to put in his or her body. Mike Cameron, your name is waxed and shined, squeaky-clean, just like Jimmy Rollins’. Mike Schmidt, your legacy is just fine. Well, we know that rationality has no place at the table when it comes to drugs in the United States, so that’s just wishful thinking.

We can hope. For now, we can at least be consistent by adding stimulants high in caffeine — like Red Bull — to the banned substances list.

Is ProVentures Group happy they sent me that e-mail, you think?